You are familiar with that phrase, right? It's a German expression meaning the bonds of family are stronger than friendship. But if I were dying of dehydration in the desert, I would prefer water over blood any day.
Last month, I got to see how "strong" the bonds of family really were.
As many of you may know, in May, I finally got my driver's license. I had been paralyzed with fear over getting it since I was 16. But after losing my job last year, I started to work on it. By January of 2012, I kicked myself in the pants and got my Virgina Permit. I had one from New York when I was 18, but it expired last year. Part of that drive was so I could have the appropriate I.D. to register to vote down here. But really, I want to earn my freedom, and a permit was the first step. After a few months of practice from my father, I went in and took the test. I was nervous. I made some mistakes. But I drove back to the DMV to find out that I had passed and it should come in the mail in six weeks.
Holy crap. I had conquered a fear. I put my mind to something, worked at it, and it happened. It was one of the greatest days of my life. I was high on self-esteem.
Naturally, I called my mother, who was thrilled. After talking to her, she called my grandmother, who was also thrilled. She decided to give me $500 towards a new car.
And then things went downhill from there.
My mother told my cousin, whom she had gotten chummy with since retiring, the news. Let's call her "J" for the sake of privacy. She got jealous that my grandmother was giving me $500 (I don't know why as the family strongly suspects "J" of stealing three grand from her) and decided to converse with my cousin "M" and talk crap about me. Cousin "M" decided to tell Aunt "B" ("J's" mom) who is a bit neurotic and unstable that my grandmother is giving me $5,000. She calls up my grandmother and starts yelling at her, wondering why I'm getting so much money, but her other grandchildren aren't. My 88 year old grandmother broke down crying, wondering what she did wrong.
I shouldn't completely bash my family. After all, my grandmother is willing to help out, my parents and sister were happy for me, my mother wants to buy me a car, my uncle was happy for me, and my two other cousins (my uncle's first two children) are very nice and didn't say anything bad about me. They are more "adult".
But while my family decided to start talking crap and spreading rumors to get others worked up, my friends were there for me. Here is what they said:
"CONGRATS!!!!"
"AWESOME!!"
"That's fabulous Josh."
"Congrats Josh! :-D"
And last but certainly not least:
"dude!!!" and "
And I received eight "Likes".
So while my family was making my grandmother cry, my friends were all proud and happy for me. They didn't say "You're 24 and you just got it? That's pathetic. What a loser".
Part of my depression causes me to get paranoid at times. I get it in my head that my friends are ignoring me, are mad at me, they hate me, they're fed up with me. But every time I get those thoughts, I should look back at all the well wishes and supportive comments I received when I finally overcame a fear that had dominated a chunk of my life and was holding me back. I need to remember that I have friends that love me, who care about me, and are there for me. I would rather belong to that family of "strangers" than to a group only related by two people, two generations ago.
Thank You.
