My Retreat.

I recently read an article on CNN about the protests in the Middle East. Reporter Fareed Zakaria claims that this wave of attacks and riots is not indicative of Anti-Americanism in the region. He cites a study that shows that a majority of Libyans like the US. The people shown on TV and online are small crowds that represent a minority opinion within that country. However, I recalled a story from The Daily Beast that claimed otherwise. Since March (incidentally the month the survey Zakaria cited in his article), support has fallen as the US favors its own security over promoting freedom and democracy. According to article author Sherif Mansour, the protests do represent an overall dissatisfaction with the US.

Who the hell is right? The person working for a major news organization with a background in journalism and international relations, or the activist on the ground with first-hand experience and works for a liberal news agency? These are two different statements here. I have been getting more and more distrustful of news organizations, specifically American ones.

I read an article on the US invasion of Panama in 1989 and how the media presented it. True, Manuel Noriega did circumvent elections and put himself in charge, but no one bothered to mention that he was on the CIA payroll as an informant, and smuggled drugs into the US, which he was protected from prosecution because of his CIA ties. And the President, George H.W. Bush, had connections to him when he was the head of the CIA and worked with the Task Force on Drugs. We were the glorious liberators of Panamanians who overwhelmingly supported us and removing the military dictator, 92% of Panamanians supported us! Well, those Panamanians happened to be very wealthy and spoke fluent English. They were not the most representative of the country. Most Americans supported the invasion, but that was because the media didn’t/couldn’t bring up any critical objections.

Same thing with the Gulf War. And the Iraq War. Speaking of Iraq, the famous images of the Iraqi people spontaneously working together to tear down a statue of Saddam Hussein (as I watched it live in my Study Hall in 9^th Grade) was completely orchestrated by the military.

I frankly don’t know where I can ever get the truth.

To find the truth, I surround myself with opinions I agree with. I keep lapping up more and more each day, only hearing what I want to hear. I do maintain a level of skepticism that has called out BS now and then, but I surround myself with The Huffington Post and Daily Beast. Am I really informing myself, or making myself more ignorant, more intolerant, more paranoid? 

The same way the fundamentalist Christians believe that Liberals and Gays and Muslims are working to destroy America and the Constitution, and we are on the brink of destruction unless action is taken, I too feel that we are on the brink with the clock ticking down, and the threat is from the likes of all the Bachmann's and Santorum's out there. I clearly think the crazy right-wing is, well crazy. But what about me? Am I holding similar irrational beliefs? From my point of view, there is actual proof that the Christian-Right is crazy and perverting the Constitution. But, don’t they have “proof” of the secular, gay jihad? That's because I surround myself with people who are telling me what I want to hear, and so do they.

I'm afraid that I am heading down a dark path. A path of radicalism. I cannot stand to hear the other side. I go into smash mode every time a Republican speaks. I couldn't watch the GOP convention and I know I won't be able to watch the debates. I'm ready to take my gloves off and challenge somebody to a dual if they utter an opinion I disagree with. I’m unwilling to hear the other side. How will that lead to understanding and compromise?

But how much of this is my fault? Am I somewhat justified in my paranoia? It is pretty clear that the Republican Party has been moving far to the right. A recent Research Study came to that conclusion. Barry Goldwater came to this conclusion in the early 1990s. The GOP Platform position on abortion is the most extreme ever. No exceptions at all. Personhood Amendments springing up on state ballot initiatives. Women having access to contraception is now controversial. Evolution was taught as fact in schools with no problems 50 years ago. Now we have States trying to promote creationism/intelligent design through tax-payer funded voucher programs and legislation deeming it controversial and full of holes. Islamaphobia has manifested itself in arsons, vandalism, and protest against Mosques, regardless of its location to Ground Zero. Republican candidates freely associate with public figures that spout racist, intolerant, hate speech against anyone who isn’t white, male, straight, and Christian. I’m not making this stuff up. It is happening, and it needs to be fought.

But I associate this behavior with all Republicans and Christians. I know there are moderate voices in there. My father would consider himself a Republican and conservative, but he is fed up with the Tea-Party-infected organization. I grew up Christian, and I know that many aren’t political or intolerant. But as soon as I hear those words, these generalizations pop into my head and I lose it. This is terribly hypocritical of me. I’ll defend Islam and claim that we shouldn’t judge a religion based on the bad apples perverting it, but when I think of Christians, I think they are all “Jesus Camp” attendees.

I do not believe I should be involved with politics. I have a horrible temper. I take opinions way too personally. I see the opponent as my enemy. I’m right and they’re wrong.

I am a partisan. And the last thing we need in this country is more partisans.

I won’t give up my beliefs, but I need to calm the fuck down before I look into a serious career in politics. I need to mature and learn some self-control before I do anything. I am too easily drawn into conflict that I later regret. Conflict with no purpose. The only outcome is an increased heart rate and sweaty armpits.

There is nothing wrong with holding an opinion. The very fact that I do shouldn’t be a reason to fear for myself. I have tried to see issues from another point of view. I was once strongly pro-death penalty until college. I cursed affirmative action as I lived with no knowledge of current racism. I hated welfare and all the lazy people taking my parent’s hard earned money. But that all changed the more I learned about the world. I believe I have done enough to properly inform myself to come to an opinion.

Republicans are to blame for today’s problems. They are obstructionist; we cannot compromise when their version is “do what we say or we’ll let this country default on its debt”. They are dangerously right-wing. Fundamentalist Christianity is a threat to our rights. I fully believe most of this paranoia and hatred of the President is race-based. I’m not going to instantly play the race card any time someone criticizes the President. But you can’t tell me the Tea Party doesn’t hold racist and ignorant thoughts regarding the Commander-in-Chief. They are kicking and screaming as they are pulled into the future as they are afraid of the white man losing his power. 

But it’s not the end of the world. I can vote. Volunteer. Organize.

The main thing about the Occupy Wall Street Movement (now one year old) that irritated me was the sense of futility. “Trying to participate within the process was hopeless”. It’s not. They made their bed after complaining about Republicans through the summer and fall of 2010, stayed home on Election Day because Obama wasn’t liberal enough, and then complained about the results. Nothing wrong with opinions manifesting itself into marches and protests, but actually follow up on it and make that change.

I have no idea where I am going with this anymore. The media is BS, I’m too uptight, and I need to take a chill pill while sticking to my ideals. I think I can do this with less  political postings or none at all.