Teaching, and why I don't want to do it. SO STOP SUGGESTING IT!

When I tell people that I am a History Major and that I don't know what I want to do with my life, the first response is always "be a teacher!"

This must be something all History Majors go through. The only occupation within History is to teach it. Besides the underlying connotation behind that statement that History is a useless subject in the real world, it's also a bit insulting to the people who want to be and are teachers.

Teaching isn't easy. My mother taught English for over thirty years, so I know a little about what goes on from both the student and teacher perspective. There is SO much more to being a teacher than knowing about a specific subject that it has permanently turned me off from ever pursuing that career.

1. One should probably like kids in order to teach. That sounds like a must. I do not have that qualification. I hated teenagers when I was a teenager. And the younger they get, the more annoying they are to me. Teens have raging hormones that make it harder to control them. Pre-teens are just getting those hormones and are distracted by the opposite sex while thinking they already know everything. Everything younger, you need to teach them information so basic to you that you need immense patience to prevent yourself for yelling at kids who don't know how to add. Plus, they also have "accidents".
2.  Depending on the state, there is so much you have to do to become certified. Background checks, exams, etc. Plus the years of under-grad and graduate school and the accompanying debt. I thought the SATs were bad and the GREs and the cost are major turn offs for me to applying to Grad School.
3. You have to be a disciplinarian. Besides teaching, you also have to discipline students who act out. You have to fill in the role of a parent during the day. Make sure kids are learning AND behaving. One more task you need to juggle. If I don't want kids because I fear I neglect the ability to effectively discipline them, how can I do that with other people's children ?
4. You have to deal with insane parents. "You accused my child, the son of God, of cheating??? I'm going to sue you!!!" A little over the top, but it has happened. You have to deal with the parents who think their child is perfect and a genius. They are neither, but pointing that out is a personal insult to them. It's people like this that make you almost believe there should be a test to become a parent...
5. Overachievers. My mother had a student break down and cry because her final grade was a 92. A 92! I would have killed for a 92 in English! These students are obsessed with getting an average grade of 105 and anything less than that is a tragedy. They think they know more than the teacher because they are in the Honors or AP class. They have a massive superiority complex because they have been told their whole life that they are gifted and special. They might be a little smarter (or put in an insane amount of effort), but the world doesn't give a jack-shit and the sooner they learn this lesson, the better.  They are about as bad as the regular troublemakers.
6. You also have to be an English Teacher (if you are not already one). This is not a strong suit of mine. Unless something is blatantly plagiarized or written ten grade-levels below, I can't grade papers to save my life. I'm sure this is taught to you in school, but it's something I couldn't handle. I think I did have a teacher in 8th Grade who did give a major paper to the English teacher to grade, while he corrected the historical aspects. If you are an Elementary School teacher, you have to know EVERYTHING; Math, Science, History, English.
7. We have become so obsessed with standardized tests. Thank you "No Child Left Behind". It seems like students are always preparing for the next test, and teachers instruct them how to take tests instead of the material they are taking the test on. And because money is tied to performance, rampant cheating is occurring...from the administration.
8. Salary is now becoming tied to performance. Another brilliant idea from "education reformers" (I think a real reformer would be against all this testing and merit-pay crap). Oh goody, if students slack off, you pay for it. It doesn't help when special needs students must be tested at the same level, even if they are incapable of it. A good teacher can only do so much. We need to put the pressure on students and parents, not just the teachers. Just one more incentive for top-level cheating.
9. The Administration. There was a time when the Principal and Superintendent were once teachers for over a decade before they moved up. Now, you'd be lucky if they have more than five years experience teaching. At least, that was the case at my mother's school. You now have people in charge making decisions who know very little of what teaching is really like. They come up with new schedules, new requirements, and new policies without thinking of the consequences because they don't know how much of a burden it is on teachers (and students). If they aren't working in the administration because they were crappy teachers, they're professionally trained administrators (not educators) who have a high turn-over rate and care more about padding their resume than a student's education.
10. People hate you. Specifically, conservatives. You are an over-paid, unionized, public employee who steals the tax-payers money to fund your lavish benefits and retirement just to babysit children all day and brainwash them into becoming secular, anti-American, socialists. And they constantly show their disdain by voting down every school budget, even though budgets have nothing to do with teacher pay (that's in the contract). I'm sorry that the private sector is stingy when it comes to pay, doesn't allow unions, and things like "holiday pay", "overtime", "pensions" and "paid vacations" are fading away, but that is no excuse to hate teachers. It takes years for teachers to make a good income and I'm sorry you think "getting an education" is "liberal brainwashing". But look at the aforementioned list of what teachers have to deal with and why I'm never going to teach. Teachers put up with so much shit, that anyone who looks at this list and still wants to teach deserves a medal. Anyone who cares that much about children, their education, and the future of this country, DESERVES a few perks and vacation time.
11. This is a bonus for History teachers. You have to teach incorrect and inaccurate information. Although I don't fully agree with everything in  Lies My Teacher Told Me (James Loewen is a little too liberal for me) he does bring up how slanted and deceptive history is taught in the United States. Thanksgiving myths are perpetuated, slavery and racism are downplayed, controversy is avoided, and everything else is so glossed over, it becomes boring and all lessons of the past are overlooked. And even after all that, you get accusations from the Right about liberal biases, like I mentioned in #10. Just look at the brilliant Politically Incorrect Guide series (a better source is found here). Or those textbooks in Louisiana that say the Great Depression is a left-wing myth and the KKK was a force for moral good. History is either too conservative or too liberal, and you're stuck teaching a bland mixture.