Why it Sucks to be President

Today is Presidents Day. The day in which we honor old, mostly dead, elitist, white men (we honor past Presidents, not currently serving. Until Obama leaves office, it will still be a remembrance of dead, white men). We honor these men by offering discounts on furniture, mattresses, or cars. We might think it is awesome to be President of the United States. A free house with staff dedicated to making you happy. A cool security team. The power! All sorts of perks and benefits.

But to tell you the truth, I would never want to be the President of the United States. And if you are smart, you don’t want to either. Despite my interest in Presidential history and politics, I don’t want to be anywhere near that job. Why? (besides the hard decisions and huge responsibility)

1)      Everyone Wants You Dead.

The President is the most powerful person in the country and arguably, in the world. They are often described as the “Leader of the Free World”. They are in control of the strongest military (and a nuclear power) and is leader of the world’s largest economy.

You don’t think that makes you the target of every terrorist group, enemy nation, and wacko with a gun and a crush on a celebrity? These people all want you dead. But the biggest problem doesn’t come from terrorists or a rogue nation. Is the last group, the crazy lone-wolf with a gun, that you need to be afraid of. We have a huge Intelligence network to deal with terrorists (although that hasn’t always been successful) and most nations know that if they were to be behind an assassination, the consequences would be dire. We don’t exactly have an agency to monitor each and every individual in the United States. At least if they don’t have a huge criminal background.

Three out of four successful Presidential assassinations were committed by one mentally disturbed individual (yes, I believe Oswald acted alone). Lincoln was shot by John Wilkes Booth who was involved in a small conspiracy. Most unsuccessful attempts were done by individuals with no connections to a larger group. Only two, one on Truman by Puerto-Rican Nationalists and one on Clinton by bin Laden, involved a larger conspiracy with an organized group (which begs the question, why the hell aren’t we investing more into mental healthcare?).

So every day, you need to wake up and worry that some nut job with delusions of grandeur wants to take you down just so the dog next door will stop yelling at him.

2)      You Have to Please Everyone While Pleasing No One.

You are President of the United States. At the same time, you are the unofficial/ceremonial head of your party. You are in an awkward position of showing liberal/conservative you are to your party while at the same time trying to play to moderates and those across the aisle as leader of the nation.

This is best evident during the primary season. Mitt Romney is downplaying is more moderate streak as Governor of Massachusetts to appeal to the idiot conservatives who prefer Rick Santorum for God only knows. When (if) he gets the nomination, he’ll start playing up some of his more moderate tendencies to independent voters, if the GOP/Tea Party will allow it. Sorry to be such a partisan ass in this paragraph, but it happens with both parties. Clinton and Obama needed to win over the Liberal base and then Obama needed to switch gears and go for the moderates.

If you go too far left or right, you leave the other side furious and vowing to get revenge and the moderates are made uncomfortable. If you make a compromise, you upset the opposing side because they didn’t get everything they wanted and you upset your side because you caved in (see: the left and anything Obama has ever done as President). You are always cursed out for everything you have done. Mostly by the opposition, partly from your own side. It will be very rare when most people on all sides of the aisle are happy with your decision. Unfortunately, happiness and bipartisanship doesn’t make for good television and it will quickly fade into obscurity.

3)      Any little thing you do could ruin your career.

In 1992, George H.W. Bush was running for re-election. He decided to visit the National Grocers Association convention in Orlando, FL where he had a hands-on demonstration of a check-out scanner. A New York Times writer (who wasn’t there) wrote a scathing article about how the President was “amazed” by this technology and that he was out of touch with the common man. The story was overblown, but it was a good story used to pin the blame on him for the recession because he was so out of touch with everything. He lost re-election to Bill Clinton.
 

Granted there was much more that worked against Bush that year than just that one incident, but it was a story that stuck. An innocent little photo-op turned into a disaster (although, he should know the power of a bad photo-op).

When you are President or are running for President, any little thing that you do or say can bite you in the ass. Howard Dean was rising in the Democratic Primaries in 2004. He lost momentum after he placed third in Iowa. Then this happened. After the infamous ‘Dean Scream’, he became a punch line and dropped out before Super Tuesday. Edmond Muskie was considered the front-runner for the Democrats in 1972. After a series of nasty attacks against him and his wife, he broke down and cried during a news conference. Even though he won Iowa and New Hampshire, he lost momentum and George McGovern won the nomination (it probably didn’t help that the attacks on him were orchestrated by Nixon in a very dirty campaign).

Something that happened years ago can come back. George W. Bush’s drunk-driving record. Grover Cleveland’s bastard child. George McGovern had to replace running mate Thomas Eagleton because of his history of depression and shock therapy treatment. Anything Bill Clinton has ever done in his life.

Hell, even family members can get you in trouble. Does the name ‘Billy Carter’ mean anything to you?

Granted, it is not guaranteed that a little mistake will ruin your life (Clinton polled well during his impeachment). But they do become a thorn in your side and prevent you from effectively leading.

I frankly do not know how we will ever elect another President again. With Facebook and Twitter, 95% of the population between 18 and 25 is unelectable. This was something that didn’t hassle past leaders. Now, anyone can freely look at your profile (or hack it) and learn about your wild youth. I have written plenty of things on tumblr, Facebook, and blogspot, that could be used against me in the future for either political or private attacks.

Why does this happen? Well…

4)      You have no privacy, freedom.

For some reason, being the most powerful man in government makes the media want to know everything you do. They will do anything to know everything going on in your administration and private life. A slip up is guaranteed to make the news.

Because everyone wants you dead, you need to have tight security. Gone are the days in which the President can duck out of the White House and take a walk at night. You can’t freely meet people unless they go through security or you have an elaborate plan placed ahead of time.

Want to make love to your wife/secretary? There is going to be a secret service agent outside that door. Sometimes they can help (they would warn LBJ when his wife was coming) but if you have any shame, you are going to be embarrassed to know that the person who’s sole duty is to protect you is being used to cover up an affair.

You know all those photos of a President sitting alone in the Oval Office, looking dejected or frustrated? Well, there are at least two people in that room; the President and a photographer.

All that stress from the job you want to share with your spouse or friend? Well, I hope they have high level security clearance because you can’t tell them squat.

5)      These Problems Will Not Go Away After Leaving Office

After four to eight years, you have managed to leave the White House not in a flag-draped casket and you now want to return to being a private citizen. That’s not going to happen, because you are now a former President. All the crap mentioned earlier still applies until you die.

People still want you dead. George H.W. Bush was the target of an assassination attempt after leaving office. So was his son. Of course, you get lifetime Secret Service protection, right? Not anymore. Every President after Bill Clinton (Bush, Obama, etc.) only has ten years of protection, which means you will need to pay for private protection if you still feel threatened.

You might not be in politics anymore, but people will not forget about/forgive you for your administration. Mention Bill Clinton in front of a conservative over 55 and see their face turn red. Mention George W.’s name in front of a Liberal under 30 and you will get a similar result. Conservatives hate Franklin Roosevelt and Liberals hate Ronald Reagan, and both men are dead. Whether people will like you or not depends on the passage of time and the mood of the future. And you can’t control it.

People may not be as interested in you anymore, but you still don’t have privacy. You have crazies out there that want to kill you, you have a whole ideology worth of people who don’t want to let you off the hook, and you can’t go out to the store without causing a fuss. Everyone knows who you are and unless you want to go for a disguise or plastic surgery, they won’t let you alone.

Sometimes I think John McCain, John Kerry, Al Gore, Bob Dole, Michael Dukakis, Walter Mondale, George McGovern, Hubert Humphrey, Barry Goldwater, Adlai Stevenson, Thomas E. Dewey, Wendell Willkie, Alf Landon, Al Smith, John Davis, James Cox, Charles Evans Hughes, William Jennings Bryan, Alton Parker, James G. Blaine, Winfield S. Hancock, Samuel Tilden, Horace Greeley, Horatio Seymour, George McClellan, Stephen Douglas, John Fremont, Winfield Scott, Lewis Cass, Henry Clay, Rufus King, DeWitt Clinton, and Charles Cotesworth Pinckney should have been happy that they never became President.

(Sorry for the random line spacing between paragraphs. I have changed it multiple times but it refuses to accept it.)