Ever since I have been taking these meds, life has been hell. I don't think I have ever had this reaction to anti-depressants before. For a week and a half, I've been feeling like shit. Worthless garbage with no point to living. I hate my life so much.
This is not at all where I thought I would be by now. I don't know where I thought I should be, but I am getting so fed up with it.
My therapy just rolls off of me now. Nothing sticks. Nothing sinks in. Nothing. I have to read two chapters in my book by Tuesday, the book I thought was so damn great. I tried an exercise last night that my therapist suggested and it worked for only half an hour. After that, boom, all my issues came back.
I'm trying to find something in this town to keep me occupied, but there is nothing to do in this fucking place. NOTHING. I've walked to town multiple times. Nothing.
My psychiatrist told me that "things will get better in a few weeks". No, no they are not. I don't see anything ever getting better for me. I just don't see any way out of this. I have nothing to offer this world or anyone. I'm never going to get a job. I'm never going to get a girlfriend. I'm never going to do anything with my life. Twenty-four pointless years of pathetic existence. I am just a waste of skin and bones, consuming resources that could be used elsewhere. I just wish I had the courage to kill myself and end my and everyone's misery. But no, I'm too scared. Perfect. Fucking perfect.
I have to reason to live. There is no purpose. There is nothing getting me out of bed in the morning. I just wish sweet death would take me after I lay my head on the pillow and close my eyes.
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