Bluh

I probably should write something soon.

Oh well.

Ask if you want, Tell if you please

I was relieved to hear the other day, that Congress repealed the policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”. The policy allowed for gay recruits as long as they don’t reveal that they are gay. If the closet was opened, they would be discharged. 13,000 good soldiers were discharged over 17 years because they were outed.

Now what about those solid arguments for DADT?

“Having gays serve openly will be a distraction and will hurt cohesion”. If you are that distracted by something that petty, maybe the military isn’t for you. You can live in a warzone and have to deal with attacks everyday…but that one gay guy is your biggest concern. Many respondents to a survey believed some of their fellow soldiers were gay and had no problem with it.

The military will still maintain a level of discipline. Allowing gays will not mean all rules will be disregarded and chaos will ensue. Besides, if you don’t mind touching straight men/women and don’t mind showering naked with straight men/women, what difference does it make if there is a gay man/woman? Remember: Discipline! Gay men/women aren’t going to rape you or have sex near you!

Besides, where is the evidence that gays serving openly hurt cohesion and distract? In the other nations that allow openly gay soldiers, there have been next to no problems.

Maybe if this country wasn’t held hostage by the religious right, we could stop being so homophobic.

Speaking of which, what about those chaplains that are opposed to homosexuality? First of all, we are not banning Christianity with this repeal. Second, how many sermons in the military deal with anti-homosexual rhetoric? It seems like that wouldn’t come up a lot. Maybe it’s the church I grew up in, but the sermons I’ve heard didn’t revolve around political issues. I never knew the political beliefs of my pastor. The only thing I knew was his opposition to the Iraq war, and that wasn’t as controversial as homosexuality.

Anyway, if you have that much hate for a group of people, maybe you shouldn’t be in the ministry or the armed forces (you didn’t mind when they were there and you didn’t know it). But for those who aren’t necessarily hate-filled but still oppose homosexuality; you can still believe it. No one is forcing you to change your beliefs. Just don’t be so crazy about it.

Brother, can you spare a Quarter? Ewww! Not that one!

In 1993, Treasury Secretary Lloyd Bentsen formed a commission to create the “State Quarter Program”, creating a commemorative quarter for each state over ten years. In 1997, the bill authorizing production was signed by President Clinton and the first five quarters were circulated in 1999. The purpose of the program was to honor “each of the nation's states” with something representative of the state and “have broad appeal to the citizens of the State”. Most were pretty good. Others sucked.

Here is my top Five Worst State Quarters:

Number 5: Idaho

It’s not a terrible design. The Hawk is nice. However, it almost looks like someone just cut and pasted two images. Alternative designs were better. I know Idaho doesn’t have a lot going for it besides Potatoes, so finding a design was tricky. However, compared to other submissions, this was too simple. I think someone took too long creating the hawk and ran out of time

Number 4: Delaware

Delaware=Boring. What is there in this state? It’s so small it only has three counties. So what could they possibly put on the quarter? An old man who rode through bad weather with a cold to vote for the Declaration of Independence. I admire someone’s dedication to voting and the democratic process, but really? That’s all this state has going for it? An old man who votes? That should be Florida’s design. Another submission looked better (but over the top). It was still better than the cock…

Number 3: Alabama

Helen Keller? Really? I know Alabama doesn't have the friendliest history that all Americans could embrace. They're not going to put a Klansmen with Governor Wallace shaking hands in front of a burning Cross, but, Helen Keller??? This is not at all what I think of when I think of ‘Alabama’. How about cotton??? The only thing that comes to mind when you think of Alabama is a blind, deaf, socialist?

Number 2: The District of Columbia

In 2009, the mint released six new quarters: Washington DC, Puerto Rico, Guam, Samoa, the Virgin Islands, and the Northern Mariana Islands. I guess these people didn’t think it was fair that all of the states got a quarter but random islands that nobody can find or didn’t even know that we owned didn’t get their own quarter.

All the overseas territories have a nice design and I can’t criticize them for what they put on to represent their island. When nobody knows anything about them, you could put a giant chicken wrestling an alligator on the Guam quarter and it could pass with the average American citizen.

I agree D.C. deserves their own quarter, as they’ve been left out of the political process for so long. It took an Amendment to the Constitution in 1961 to allow them to vote in a presidential election, they currently have non-voting representation in Congress, and it wasn’t until 1973 they could elect a mayor.

This quarter has the same problem as Alabama. The design that was chosen does not represent the city in the minds of Americans. Duke Ellington. Duke Freaking Ellington. I didn’t even know he was from D.C. This is a terrible representation of our nation’s capital. It is the seat of the American government. WHY NOT REPRESENT THAT ON THE QUARTER!!!??? I know there is more to the city than just the government and monuments, but that is what embodies the city!!! This should have been an easy ‘A’ but instead it failed big time.

What do you expect from a city that has put Marion Barry, the crack using, prostitute visiting, pot smoking, tax evading, stalker, into and back into office many times?

 Pictured: Leadership

Another candidate was Frederick Douglass. No No No! As a Rochestarian, you keep your hands off of him! He is ours, in a non-slave owning way. He is buried in our city and his abolitionist newspaper North Star was published in Rochester. No Douglass for you! NEXT!

Here we go. Number 1: Florida

Do I need to say anything? Just look at it. I Hate this thing. I thought Idaho was bad…but this takes the cake. I seriously think someone went to Microsoft Word and just used clipart, found some pictures and pasted it inside a circle. “Voila! A quarter design!” Look, I did this in 5 minutes:

 Seriously. Five Minutes...

Again, other design submissions were better and do a good job representing the state. I’m seeing a pattern here. Better designs seem to be pushed aside for lamer ones.

Some runner ups: I found it hard to really put these in any kind of order. These would be tied for fifth with Idaho (blanket statement for all: alternatives were better):

Kansas: Buffalo not bad but North Dakota's design is better. Did we need two quarters with a Buffalo on it? Like Delaware, it is hard to find something that is "Kansas".

Maryland: Nice design, but the Statehouse is the only thing of interest in Maryland? Something Baltimore related? Fort McHenry and Star Spangled Banner???

Ohio: Too simple and they were really set on one design. Like Florida but it is better because of the State outline. Accomplishments of people on the quarter happened elsewhere. (Why were so many astronauts from Ohio???)

Pennsylvania: Too simple and bland. I hate PA.

Louisiana: It is a nice Quarter but representing the whole Louisiana Purchase was a mistake. The state only makes up a little bit of the purchase and it should have focused on just the state, not the vast territory with the same name.

McCain Part II: The Revenge

An old friend informed me that I was wrong about John McCain's eligibility to be President. The Proof? A non-binding Senate Resolution in 2008.

THAT MEANS NOTHING!!!

Pretty much, the Senate said "The issue is too complicated for us to think about. Screw the Constitution. It is a minor inconvenience". The same Republicans and Conservatives that insist on interpreting the Constitution as literally as possible loosely interpreted it to mean "any one born to Americans anywhere" despite the 14th Amendment (defining citizenship), laws, and court decisions. (to be honest, the Senate was split 49 Dems to 49 Repubs with two left leaning independents, if you can call Lieberman 'left').

Past Presidents like Richard Nixon had to prove definitively that they were in fact born on US soil. Goldwater saw some controversy as he was born (1909) in Arizona before it became a state in 1912 (though the 1905 Supreme Court case Rasmussen v. United States  did give citizenship to those born in incorporated territories like Arizona) Don't forget the crap surrounding Obama, despite the fact that the facts are out there for those willing to do real research.

Show me your Certificate!

An Army Doctor is being court-martialed for disobeying orders to be deployed to Afghanistan. Why does he not want to go? Because all orders given by the Commander-in-Chief (the President) are invalid because Obama was not born in the US and thus makes him unable to make those orders.

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/12/14/before-birther-row-lt-col-lakin-racked-up-medals-as-flight-surgeon/?iref=allsearch

Really? Are people still hung up on this? Why is it that intelligent people believe this?¹ You know what, why was John McCain’s status never ever brought up for serious debate? His father was in the navy and was sent all over the world. How do you know he was born on US soil, hmmmm? I can prove that John McCain was ineligible for the presidency.

John Sidney McCain III was born August 29, 1936 in the Panama Canal Zone, controlled by the United States. The territory remained an unincorporated territory from 1903 until 1979. In 1901, the US Supreme Court ruled in Downes v. Bidwell that “the constitution does not follow the flag”, meaning the laws (and Constitution) did not apply to territories like Panama. The Court reaffirmed this and added in Rasmussen v. United States (1905) that citizenship applied to incorporated territories. Those born in unincorporated territories were “US nationals”, but not citizens.

In 1937, a year after McCain’s birth, Congress granted citizenship by birth to those living in unincorporated territories like the Panama Canal Zone. The law also provided that those born after 1904 to two American citizens were granted full citizenship. Even though McCain was born before the 1937 law, the retroactive legislation made him a natural born citizen, right?

There is one problem. Article One, Section 9 of the United States Constitution states,

No bill of attainder or ex post facto Law shall be passed.

Ex post facto Law “is a law that retroactively changes the legal consequences (or status) of actions committed or relationships that existed prior to the enactment of the law”. The law passed in 1937 is unconstitutional because it changes “the legal consequences of actions committed or relationships that existed prior to the enactment of the law”

McCain was not a natural born citizen of the US and therefore is not eligible to be President as described in Article II, section 5 of the US Constitution.

And yet a man who was born in an American state and has released his birth certificate a million times is the subject of controversy.

Just to be clear, I have nothing but respect for Senator John McCain. I respect him for his bravery and the suffering he endured during Vietnam as a POW. I respect him for his years of service in the Senate. Up until he picked Palin for Vice President, I couldn't decide who I was going to vote for in 2008.

¹A nurse I know (to remain nameless) also believes Obama was born in Kenya

Were you Afraid of the Dark?

If you were a fan of Nickelodeon in the early 1990s, then you might remember a show called Are You Afraid of the Dark? The basic premise was this: a group of kids met at night to tell scary ghost stories. This was the foundation of SNICK or “Saturday Night Nick”, two hours of shows starting at 8PM. I was a fan of the original 1990-1996 run.

The stories were your typical middle school ghost stories. Some had happy endings, some ended with a “you didn’t really defeat me!!!”, or the rest ended with a “character’s imagination went wild and everything had a logical conclusion, but then the character was right” ending. I remember enjoying these as a kid and some really did scare me. One episode had some black skin-tight-clothing-clad people from another dimension that can only be seen by one girl with novelty x-ray glasses. Whenever I was alone and felt someone behind me, I imagined it was them. Or the story of the scarecrow who follows the directions of two kids too closely to build a baseball field and accidentally murder their uncle or something.

 “If you build it, they will come.”

Or the skeleton covered in vomit that lived in a pool and killed the swimmers and my sister and I would intentionally stuff our faces with food so we can pretend to spit it out when we heard the line “the pool was built over a cemetery”.

Ok, so some of the stories were pretty stupid when I think of them in hindsight. Here is my list of the stupidest AYAotD? episodes. My legal obligation: <SPOILER ALERT!>

"The Tale of the Phone Police": Two boys like to prank call people. However, there is a “Phone Police”, a group that finds phone abusers and punishes them. They somehow manage to erase the existence of the abusers within minutes. One boy manages to rescue the other and everything is back to normal. The one kid’s sister tells them they were eating mushrooms or something and that the story she told them was bull. OR IS IT? A pizza man comes to the door and claims to have the wrong address. After leaving the house, he removes the pizza logo from his car and reveals “PHONE POLICE”.

What was the point of that ending? Why didn’t the phone po-po take the kids right there and wipe the older sister’s memory again? Was he about to come back for the kids? This seems like a story my great-grandmother would have told my grandmother in the 1930s to not play with the new technology, because new technology works with magic.

"The Tale of the Water Demons": An old man stole jewelry from a shipwreck, which causes the ghosts to haunt him, and two cousin’s help him.

Are we really going to steal the plot from Garfield’s Halloween special?

From what I can remember, the old man hasn’t fully slept in three years because if he sleeps, the ghosts come out of the water and will kill him. One, how is this man still alive if he only gets a few minutes of sleep every day? Two, why doesn’t he move to Kansas? He can sleep a full eight hours before the ghosts, who walk at normal zombie speed, get to him. Can they come out of any water or just the spot of the wreck? If he did move to Kansas, it would make for a better story: The ghosts tire of endlessly walking inland a few miles every night because of one man’s greed and the cousins could help the ghosts find eternal peace by returning the stolen necklace or whatever.

 But really, why would you want to live in Kansas?

"The Tale of the Room for Rent": An old man rents out a room in his house to the angry ghost of a guy he killed and stole his girlfriend in World War II. Well, technically he didn’t kill him, even if everyone in the story including the two girl protagonists thinks grandpa is responsible. The parachute didn’t deploy. That's just poor engineering. Plus, it was World War II. If the man wasn’t shot in midair by a plane and made it to the ground, he still could have found himself looking down the barrel of a Luger. It was war, and it’s not grandpa’s fault. It’s not like he intentionally sabotaged the parachute to kill him and take his girlfriend. Plus, the “stealing the girlfriend” story is kind of old and worn out.

"The Tale of the Hatching": From Wikipedia: “Two siblings are sent to a boarding school where the students are brainwashed into caring for mutant reptiles' eggs, who are bent on world domination.” No comment.

"The Tale of the Thirteenth Floor": A brother and sister find a toy factory on the thirteenth floor of their apartment building. The owners are aliens who want the girl, who is actually their daughter. Again, No Comment.

Now for the stupidest one of all, "The Tale of the Dream Girl": Again, from Wikipedia: “A teen named Johnny discovers a ring and after putting it on, begins seeing a girl that he falls in love with. He soon learns though she died in a car accident”. However, we get a twist ending: Johnny is also dead, he was her boyfriend and died trying to get her ring before a train hit their car.

He simply forgot about being dead and returned home as if nothing had happened. I was under the impression that years had gone by from the accident to the episode, but the time passed is not specified. Even if it was just a week, wouldn’t you notice that: your mom is upset, she isn’t setting a place for you at the table, she went to your funeral, she doesn’t talk to you, your boss doesn’t talk to you, only your sister talks to you, you’re not getting paid for your work, your co-workers mention your death, the story in the newspaper (actually shown in the episode), etc, etc, etc.

You know what is really sad though? This episode inspired M. Night Shyamalan to make The Sixth Sense and have a similar twist ending. For those upset with his recent work (I liked Signs and The Village), you can blame this episode for all your frustrations. Also, as Cracked.com notes, he was at least 23, when he saw this. A bit old for Nickelodeon.

Really? Nickelodeon isn't known for their quality programming?

I call him Gamblor!

Well, I’ve got my Company Christmas party tonight. It’s at the “Hollywood Casino at Charles Town” in West Virginia.

My company gives me my own hotel room, access to the buffet, and some money to gamble with.

Screw the gambling! I’m taking that money home with me to buy something I want!

I really don’t want to gamble. I know I will lose. My dad said “How do you know that?” Because, prior to winning a costume contest my Junior year of college (that took skill), the last time I won anything was in 2^nd Grade in a “guess the weight of the pumpkin” contest. I got the pumpkin.

That whole “How do you know?” thing feels like a slippery slope to me. I feel like I would have a gambling problem. I could win the next one! Or the next one! Or the next! I will only gamble if I have a time machine.

I tried before at Batavia Downs a few years ago. How, I’m not sure; I was 18 and I could gamble. When I was 19, I went to the Seneca Casino in Niagara Falls, NY and the age was 21. Both were in New York. Oh and here is something stupid: If you are 21 and over, you can go in. If you are under 18, you can go into the casino escorted by someone over 21. IF YOU ARE 19 OR 20, YOU CAN’T GET IN AT ALL! I sat there, for hours, waiting…

X > 18 but if X < 21 = screwed

Anyway, at Batavia Downs, I couldn’t understand the machines. Whatever happened to ‘pull the lever and get three in a row’?

 At least I don't have to use a potion to go into the shadow world and pick vegetables out of the ground to get the coins.

You have three by three rows and all sorts of combinations to play. I’m gambling, I’m not supposed to be thinking! I gave up and let my sister play the rest of my money. To be honest, I would rather see where John Brown was tried and hanged. Well, let’s see how much fun I will have tonight…

Time for…Unsolved Mysteries

 

(play this as you read the blog)

The other day, I was doing my usual job. Open box, organize bags of mutilated animals by their number, write it down, put back in box. After organizing one group of animals, I went to get my knife to open the next box.

It was gone.

I turned my workstation upside down looking for it. Under every bag, paper, box. It had simply vanished. After swearing under my breath I stole the knife used to cut bubble wrap. After opening another two boxes, I found my table had become a bit crowded. I then proceeded to move one of the first rows I had put on the table and the row that I had searched at least three times. I moved it over by two inches.

The knife reappeared. It was right in the open, right in the middle. It could not have possibly been under those bags. The place the knife was could not have been under the recently moved row of animals. I looked at it for a moment a little scared. I picked it up and opened the next box.

I don’t usually believe in ghosts or any of that, but what the hell? How did I miss a knife right in the open? I have had two other experiences like this.

One time, I returned home from Wendy’s. With my half empty (half full?) drink in my hand, I tripped going up the stairs from the garage into the pantry. Yes, I tripped going up the stairs. As I fell I lost a hold of my drink. It flew in front of my and disappeared. Where did it go? We found it in my mom’s purse. She was standing behind me!

I do theorize that possibly the jerking of my arm caused it to bounce backward and the suddenness made it looked like it fell forward. All I know is that the next story has no explanation.

In Eighth Grade, we had Assignment Books. This is where we were supposed to write down our homework assignments (hence “Assignment Book”), and this is also where our hall passes were kept (we were given so many a month and we needed the teacher to sign them). At the beginning of the day, I was unpacking my backpack. Because I am awkward and clumsy, I lost my hold and my note books, textbook and my assignment book placed on top and they fell to the ground. Like my Wendy’s drink (it was Cherry Coke. I always get a Cherry Coke at Wendy’s), I watched it fall to the ground, and it disappeared.

Where did it go? There weren’t many people around, so they couldn’t have taken it or blocked my view. I went crazy looking for it. Defeated, I went to my first class. After hours of moping and wondering how I would ever go to the bathroom again without a hall pass, I went to Technology Class (The classic term “Shop Class” is no longer used. Just like “English” became “Language Arts” and “Gym" became “Physical Education”). After sitting down, my teacher approached me with my assignment book. He said he found it outside his room that morning. I guess someone did kick it down the hall that morning and I didn’t notice it, Right?

I lost my Assignment Book on the first floor. The Tech Class was in the basement. It needed to be kicked down a hallway, make a few turns, down another hall way, down some narrow stairs, and turned another time. Either that, or I have discovered some sort of spontaneous wormhole. I usually poo poo supernatural things, but this time I prefer to believe the batshit crazy stuff.

You know what would be really crazy? If the Westborough Baptist Church protested Elizabeth Edwards’ funeral because of her support of Gay Marriage!

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2010/12/09/westboro-baptist-church-says-it-will-picket-elizabeth-edwards-funeral/?hpt=T2

No. No. No No No No No No No NOOOOOOO!

It’s the holiday season (the holiday season). It’s that time of year in which we try to kill each other over an overpriced toy or discount electronics and divide ourselves into polarized camps when a town nobody cares about bans a manger scene on public property.

 Amen

Speaking of polarization, nothing divides us more (than that darn baby Jesus in front of a courthouse) than Christmas music. Either it warms your heart or causes you to go into a killing frenzy.

Josh Fun Fact¹: The murder rate shoots up 125% in December!

Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Themed Horror Movie.

I love Christmas music. I could (and have) listen to it all year. You don’t associate August with Christmas? That’s why we need an August holiday.

However some songs drive me up a wall. Here my Top 5 list of the Worst Christmas songs:

I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Do I need to explain this one? A boy, or girl…I can’t tell, wants a hippo for Christmas. Why a freaking Hippo? It’s stupid. Christmas songs should make me feel good. This one annoys the hell out of me.

Santa Baby. Some Ho tries to seduce Santa into getting her extravagant gifts. A) Get a rich husband or B) Get a job (most likely as a hooker). Like that country song that shall remain nameless, I feel dirty after hearing this. AGAIN, Christmas songs should warm my heart, not make me feel unclean.

Baby, It's Cold Outside. Ok, this is not a Christmas song. Just because it takes place during the holiday, it doesn’t make this a Christmas song. Besides, how is a song about date rape supposed to be pleasant and put me in a good mood?

(Baby its cold outside)

I really can’t stay

(Beautiful please don't hurry)

My Father will be pacing-

(BITCH, GET IN THE BASEMENT, NOW!!!)

Yes, pleasant…

The Christmas Shoes. I know that my main complaint has been that these songs are not tugging enough at my heart strings, but this song is too over the top and its morals is confusing. A mother is dying at Christmas and her son wants to buy shoes for her so she looks nice for Jesus. However, the boy can’t afford them because America’s health care system caused the family to go bankrupt due to her not getting coverage because of a preexisting condition and… sorry. Went off on a tangent. Anyway, the boy is too poor to afford the shoes. Some man’s heart grew three sizes that day and buys the shoes for him.

First, I don’t think Jesus would care what you looked like when you reached heaven. I never pictured him as the judgmental type.

Second, are we really supposed to be touched by consumerism? She’s dying, why would she care about some shoes? Wouldn’t a nice meal or medicine be more helpful?

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I don’t hate this song (although I don’t like the Dean Martin version where he’s called ‘Rudy the Red Beaked Reindeer’). 

 Giuliani?

What I I hate are the stupid things yelled after each line. So many assemblies in Grade School were ruined by A-Holes.  “Like Pinocchio!” “Like Monopoly!” “Like Columbus!” “In his Underwear!”. Here’s one: “Shut the F@ck Up!”

The Christmas season would be better if these songs didn’t exist. Oh well. I could be listening to Country Christmas music…the only genre that could ruin Jingle Bells².

Well, not as bad as this...

Awkward levels rising...

¹Complete BS

²Besides Rap