The Nintendo Corporation, after 25 years of milking popular franchises like Mario, Zelda, Donkey Kong, Metroid, and others to death have announced that they have officially run out of ideas.
After over a dozen Zelda titles, fifteen Donkey Kong games, eight horribly frustrating Mario Party's (with a ninth on the way), and countless other Mario games, Nintendo realized that they needed to "do something new".
"It's about fucking time", 33 year-old industry analysist and Chicago area Best Buy employee Jim Kent said. "Look at the crap we're peddling today. Super Mario Galaxy 2? Super Mario 25th Anniversary? It's just Super Mario All-Stars (1993) for the Super Nintendo! They should get off their lazy asses and do something new! I remember how hyped I was for Super Mario 64..." The interview was interrupted by his manager, Patrica Avery, 49, who told him to get back to work.
"Basically since 2002," said Shigeru Miyamoto, creator of Mario and other popular games "it was a test to see if consumers would put up with the same thing, game after game. We actually got tired of it before they did."
Nintendo admits that they have been stretched thin for a while now.
"Just look at both Super Mario Bros. 2 (1988)," Miyamoto explained. "One was just a reworking of the original, and the other was just a different game with Mario sprites inserted in!"
"Nintendo has been grasping for ideas even before that," as video game historian Donald Segal illustrated. "Their first video game was another Pong ripoff. And Donkey Kong (1981) was just a retooled Popeye game. When they do have a new idea, they just stick Mario in it. Just look at Wrecking Crew (1985). I wonder how much originality they had at all to begin with."
Unfortunately, pitch meetings have been unsuccessful. "Someone offered a Swedish electrician collecting moon bits", said an unamed Nintendo executive. "Another suggested making a first-person shooter. We're at the end of our rope, creatively wise. I think we are going to need a lot of alcohol to come with something truly original."
Sources:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/08/tech/gaming-gadgets/miyamoto-new-role/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey_Kong
http://phelous.com/node/462
http://www.cracked.com/funny-5751-nintendo-hardware/
http://cinemassacre.com/2010/03/06/avgn-pong-consoles/
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