My Thoughts on "Happy Holiday's" (as explained by someone else)

Source: http://cinemassacre.com/2009/12/25/winter-games/

Coca Cola announces recall after complaints of "Offensive Packaging"

Atlanta, GA - A spokeswoman for the Coca Cola company (NYSE: KO) issued an apology for their "offensive" logo design after a public outcry and boycott.

"Our goal was never to offend anyone," said spokeswoman Martha Green. "We are very sorry for our lack of oversight and will do everything we can to prevent this from happening again. All offending products will be recalled and we will redesign the logo and all of our packaging."

The offensive content is the Spencerian Script font, a common style of writing from 1850 to 1925 and used by the company since 1885. Complaints first arose two weeks ago after a Facebook post criticized the design of the world famous corporate icon.

"Look at th[e] curves on the 'C'. It looks like arab[ic]. Coco [sic] Cola is a front f[o]r Islamists and there [sic] jeehad [sic] against the west!1!" read the Facebook posting.

The controversy soon spread online and has recently gained national and international media attention.

The American Freedom Defense Initiative and the Stop Islamisation of Europe organizations have all called for a boycott of Coca Cola and their "pro-Muslim/Jihad" agenda. One Million Moms voiced their concern as well on their webpage, "Coca Cola's endorsement of Extremist Muslim views contradicts ours and America's core Judeo-Christian values. They are anti-American and pro-Arabic and all like-minded people should boycott their products."

In the most recent Republican debate in Iowa, frontrunner and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich called for the immediate arrest and execution of the CEO's of Coca Cola and was met with wild applause from the audience. Michelle Bachmann, Rick Satorum, and Rick Perry all agreed with Gingrich's statements. Mitt Romney and Ron Paul were booed offstage as they tried to respond.

The recall, destruction, and redesign of all coke products will cost the company billions of dollars, causing their stock prices to fall 80 percent as soon as the markets opened on Monday. The company also announced it will be forced to cut back on its workforce and employee benefits in order to pay for the recall.

Sources:

http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-719248?hpt=hp_t3

http://www.snopes.com/rumors/photos/pepsican.asp

http://investing.money.msn.com/investments/stock-price/?symbol=US%3AKO

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coca-Cola

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spencerian_Script

Republicans see Parallel Universe in which Christianity is Banned

Ithaca, NY - Researchers at Cornell University have figured out why Republicans are so adamant at forcing religion into schools and other areas of public life; they live in a parallel universe in which Christianity is banned in America.

"It is a bit of a misnomer to say that they 'live in a parallel universe'," explained Dr. Simon Provost, head of the five-year long study. "They live in our universe, but they see another one very similar to our own except religion, specifically Christianity, has been banned".

The study that was released Friday included interviews with almost ten thousand self-described Christian Republicans and Conservatives all across the nation from various backgrounds, ethnicities, and age groups.

"One thing they all had in common was that they could not see churches. One participant in the study was placed in front of the First Baptist Church here in Ithaca and he could not see any physical building on the lot. All he could see was dirt. He mentioned under his breath that he wish he could find a place to worship freely."

The results puzzled some of the researchers at first. If Republicans could not actually see the churches, why did they go to them more frequently than Independents or Democrats? Numerous interviews with participants found that when Republicans go to church, they see themselves "walking into an empty tract of land and huddle around a small fire to pray". Four out of five of them often claim to see armed "Nazi-esque" soldiers of some nameless tyrannical regime wielding guns, waiting to open fire, but they never do.

"To us non-Republicans," Dr. Provost told us "it looks like they walk into a Church and have a normal worship service. But to them, they see it very differently. They see a world in which they are persecuted for their beliefs. The very act of going to church is seen as a courageous move against some unseen tyranny."

The study goes on to show that the participants' natural reaction to this perception is to try and spread "tolerance" of their religion into schools and public places against, what they perceive, great odds and oppression. The many school or town hall meetings in which self-described Christian Conservatives go to and try to ban evolution or force prayer is seen by them as a heroic move against secular totalitarianism. Some participants have reported actually being crucified at these meetings. "However, we see it as 'their measure being voted down' and someone asking them to 'please lower their voices and take a seat'."

So the next time you turn on your T.V. and hear Fox News complaining about the War on Christmas, it's because they see a distorted reality in which they honestly believe Christians are being persecuted in America.

Biggest Scientific find in 50 years. Republicans unanimously object.

Washington D.C. - After a series of experiments at the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva, Switzerland may have proved the existence of the Higgs boson and unlocked how the universe works, Republicans on Capitol Hill unanimously derided the discovery.

"Hogwash!" cried Republican Texas Congressman and head of the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology, Ralph M. Hall during one of his many jogs in the District. "This is just another case of big science forcing its unfounded theories on the American people. The economic consequences of this to the country would be devastating".

"You don't need some fancy doohickey to tell me how the universe works. God makes it work," commented fellow committee member Roscoe Bartlett (R-MD). "The very fact that they call this so-called thing a 'God particle' shows you how much these 'scientists' want to take religion out of American public life."

Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) made a brief comment to Fox News last night, calling the discovery "a sad moment in the history of science and the world" and derided the scientists' efforts. "What [they are] doing in Geneva is nothing more than scaremongering and the American people will not stand for this hoax," he said as he concluded the interview.

A Washington Post/ABC poll of 996 individuals found that only 6% of self-described Republicans thought the discovery was "somewhat" or "very important" compared to 91% who claimed it was "somewhat" or "very Anti-American". The other 3% percent were too busy burning high school science textbooks to respond.

The House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology recommended along party lines, with two Democrats voting with the majority bloc of Republicans, to drastically slash science funding and move the funding to faith-based initiatives in the upcoming budget. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said the proposal would be 'dead on arrival' in the chamber.

"This is fucking stupid," said Reid as he left his Senate office and refused to answer any more questions to reporters.


Sources:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/13/world/europe/higgs-boson-q-and-a/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

http://science.house.gov/

Nintendo: "We're out of ideas!"

The Nintendo Corporation, after 25 years of milking popular franchises like Mario, Zelda, Donkey Kong, Metroid, and others to death have announced that they have officially run out of ideas.

After over a dozen Zelda titles, fifteen Donkey Kong games, eight horribly frustrating Mario Party's (with a ninth on the way), and countless other Mario games, Nintendo realized that they needed to "do something new".

"It's about fucking time", 33 year-old industry analysist and Chicago area Best Buy employee Jim Kent said. "Look at the crap we're peddling today. Super Mario Galaxy 2? Super Mario 25th Anniversary? It's just Super Mario All-Stars (1993) for the Super Nintendo! They should get off their lazy asses and do something new! I remember how hyped I was for Super Mario 64..." The interview was interrupted by his manager, Patrica Avery, 49, who told him to get back to work.

"Basically since 2002," said Shigeru Miyamoto, creator of Mario and other popular games "it was a test to see if consumers would put up with the same thing, game after game. We actually got tired of it before they did."

Nintendo admits that they have been stretched thin for a while now.

"Just look at both Super Mario Bros. 2 (1988)," Miyamoto explained. "One was just a reworking of the original, and the other was just a different game with Mario sprites inserted in!"

"Nintendo has been grasping for ideas even before that," as video game historian Donald Segal illustrated. "Their first video game was another Pong ripoff. And Donkey Kong (1981) was just a retooled Popeye game. When they do have a new idea, they just stick Mario in it. Just look at Wrecking Crew (1985). I wonder how much originality they had at all to begin with."

Unfortunately, pitch meetings have been unsuccessful. "Someone offered a Swedish electrician collecting moon bits", said an unamed Nintendo executive. "Another suggested making a first-person shooter. We're at the end of our rope, creatively wise. I think we are going to need a lot of alcohol to come with something truly original."

Sources:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/12/08/tech/gaming-gadgets/miyamoto-new-role/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey_Kong

http://phelous.com/node/462

http://www.cracked.com/funny-5751-nintendo-hardware/

http://cinemassacre.com/2010/03/06/avgn-pong-consoles/

My Heart and Soul

I usually write about politics, controversial history, a video game or two, and just a lot of random little things that I notice in my life on this blog. But today, I think I really need to talk about something else, something a bit more personal. I know that I mentioned on Facebook that I wanted to try and talk about more happy things and stop whining about my life. But I really want to get this off my chest. I do have a "funny" story in the works (funny is in quotes because I'm finding it hard to make it as humorous as I would like), a few political yet non-partisan posts, and a look into the many problems and struggles Muslims face trying to defend their religion to the West. Unfortunately, the many websites that I had bookmarked to use for these posts are on my old computer which got some nasty malware on it, causing me to purchase a new computer. I did manage to save them in a word document and put it on a zip drive, but I am a little paranoid that the malware might be on it. I did run a scan of it, and it found and removed the trojan I believe was causing the problems. Still, I don't want to lose a computer just a few days after I bought it. So, those may lay dormant for awhile.

Anyway, after all that fun information that you were just DYING to know, now for what is really on my chest.

I have been hopelessly in love for far too long now. It's to the point where (as I mentioned before) it's basically an obsession at this point. I've had crushes in my lifetime growing up, but the feelings faded as I spent more time away from them. Not this time. They have only grown more intense as time and distance has separated us.

I keep trying to hold on to this absurd belief that a relationship could work out or that there is a possibility that it could even exist. But I know it will never be. The distance is far too great. I don't know if I will ever see her again! I have all sorts of social problems that make it hard for me to connect with people. I have NOTHING going for me. No job. No life. No prospects. Who wants that?

 And yes, even as I am pouring my heart and soul out, I still need to make a joke.

And although I feel embarrassed to admit it, that genophobia probably doesn't help either. Oh, I've lusted in my heart as much as Jimmy Carter and fantasize about being intimate, but the thought of me actually doing so makes me feel sick. Who wants that?

Even though I still believe that this won't work out, I still hold on to the tiny possibility that it could because this is the only person that will ever understand me. I don't know if I can ever find someone like her ever again. HOW do you find people? Yes, staying in my room all day won't have women flocking to me, but where do I go after I'm standing outside? Don't say "a bar" because I don't drink. Nothing is sexier than a man ordering a soda at a bar...

She is everything I have ever wanted in a partner. Friendly. Funny. Intelligent. And the icing on the cake, she is drop-dead gorgeous. Beautiful on the inside and out.

I'm so afraid of telling her because of the inevitable rejection. As long as I never give her the chance to respond, she will never say no.

Writing definitely has helped me at times. I've written a few explicit love letters (not James Joycee level, but more explicit than anything I have ever written). But I'm sick of keeping my feelings to myself. So here they are. Sorry if I ruined your day with this depressing post. Here is a picture of my cat.