God Dammit, I hate my pants.
These things are the worst. They are both too short and too long. They are too long when it comes to my legs, but too short when it comes to my waist. I’m constantly stepping on and creating holes at the bottom of my pant legs, but if I lean slightly forward, I moon everyone. If someone was behind me right now, they would get a nice view of the Grand Canyon.
I try to hitch up my pants like an old man but they just end up crushing my genitals. You think Female Genital Mutilation is bad? The UN needs to put these pants on some Human Rights watch list. If I sit down, there is no chance of ever having children. If I even manage THAT, any slight movement will have me performing The Nutcracker.
Eventually I can get them situated just right, but it ends up numbing the whole region until I stand up again. THEN, I feel the chafing pain all at once.
I guess I could be a woman and just have a random unit of measurement for my size instead of the convenient measurement of length and width, because obviously all women's body's are made the same way. It's not like women can be short and fat or tall and thin. They all have lengths and widths perfectly proportional to each other! And how does a woman's shirt NOT take into account breast size?
Anyway, back to me.
I guess I could easily buy a new pair...
I would rather complain.
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